Mr. President, I sincerely hope you'll read this. I'm a loyal, fervent American and I pray for you often. You're my president, and the Bible directs all of us to "pray for all those in authority," so that we "may live peaceful and godly lives."
Millions of us really want to live peaceful and godly lives. You've described yourself as Christian, so I assume you're hoping for the same. May I then make a few suggestions, for all our sakes?
SUGGESTION 1: DON'T PAPER YOUR OWN HOUSE. You were once a teenager, and you went to three colleges, so I'm sure you're familiar with "papering," right? That's the juvenile, crass, ridiculous practice of covering a targeted house with rolls and rolls of toilet paper. Makes a terrible, embarrassing mess, and it's a bear to clean up. If you do it at all, you do it to an opponent or someone you want to hassle – not to your own home, the house where you and your family live.
But you and some liberal media have been doing that – and far worse – to the place where you live, and the huge American family that elected you. When Dan Rather and CBS obtained classified photos of reprehensible actions at Abu Ghraib and plastered them all over the world, they were committing near treason in a desperate effort to bring down George W. Bush. They knew that the military had already stopped those actions and initiated punishment, and it was being handled "in house," appropriately. But CBS exploited them anyway, with no regard to our country's image.
And now you, egged on by the ACLU, were planning to publish formerly classified photos of arrested jihadists being interrogated at Guantanamo, apparently intending to publicly indict and disgrace our own military. You surely know that terrorist groups and jihadists would use these pictures and descriptions as very effective propaganda. Though you never served in the military, you're our new commander in chief; would you please stop calling America "arrogant" and apologizing for supposed "torture," as if these labels were literally true and apply to this country? Even while you're "reviewing" your former requests and appear ready now to stop the publication, you've already told the world you'll keep our military from "torturing" in the future. What pompous posturing!
May I tell you that my own mama inflicted more actual physical pain on me and my brother Nick – raising welts on our butts with a sewing machine belt when we got really out of line – than any of the techniques, including "waterboarding," that detainees of the U.S. military have endured. Sept. 11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed endured it supposedly 183 times, experiencing no lasting damage, but divulging information that has saved thousands of American lives. How can you compare his gasping feeling of drowning with the actual torture John McCain suffered in North Vietnam, breaking his bones and impairing him permanently?
Have you compared any tactics our trained interrogators have employed to the beheadings, disemboweling and burning of American civilians by screaming, diabolical jihadists? Have you looked at any of the 9/11 footage lately? If you think you can charm these imprisoned terrorists with diplomacy and sweet talk, getting them to divulge plans and techniques that may save American lives, please take Air Force One to Guantanamo tomorrow and "get 'er done," will you? But please refrain from papering your own house, our house, with unnecessary misleading photos that encourage our enemies, will you, sir?
SUGGESTION 2: SEND THE TERRORISTS TO THE ANTARCTIC. Your folks have been trying to find anybody who wants to take suspected terrorists in, with no takers but that great American patriot John Murtha, who has condemned his military buddies and offered to take the prisoners into his own district. Armenia took some, but I've heard rumors that they did it to put them away permanently.
So – and I'm very serious – why not load all these guys into a transport plane and fly them to deep Antarctica? Deposit them in barracks and drop food and necessary items by parachute once in a while. Let them compare being on their own in that snowbound environment with the three meals a day and "harsh treatment" they experienced in Cuba. Any better ideas? I didn't think so. Then shut the base, or convert it to a Motel 6.
SUGGESTION 3: LOOK CLOSER AT LINCOLN. You've gone to great lengths to place yourself in his lineage, admiring him, and understandably presenting yourself as the fulfillment of his quest to abolish slavery and bring true equality to all citizens.
But, scarcely into your presidency, you seem hell-bent to marginalize Christianity and this country's Judeo-Christian foundation, allowing military chaplains to be harshly disciplined for praying in Jesus' name and promoting a so-called "fairness doctrine" that is designed to squelch conservative and Christian radio hosts and to equate Holy Scripture with "hate speech."
Since your identification with Abraham Lincoln surely goes deeper than just announcing your candidacy in Springfield, Ill., may I remind you of a few of his deeply felt words and actions?
On March 30, 1863, President Lincoln personally issued a historic "Proclamation Appointing a National Fast Day," a plea to the people that contained these words:
We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity.
But we have forgotten God. We have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own.
I do hereby request all the people to abstain on that day from their ordinary secular pursuits, and to unite, at their several places of public worship and their respective homes, in keeping the day holy to the Lord.
Contrast Lincoln's heartbeat and soul cry, Mr. President, with your impersonal, perfunctory issuing of a proclamation of our National Day of Prayer this May 7 – followed by the announcement from your press secretary that you'd not be participating in any of the traditional observances, in the White House or anywhere else, though he assured us you "pray in private."
May I respectfully and urgently suggest, Mr. President, that as Lincoln proposed … we all need to get on our knees – together – and pray for our America.