Having devoted a good deal of space in my column over the years to pointing out and mocking various government absurdities, I have often expected there would be a time when I would reach the end of the line of idiocy, double-speak, hypocrisy and deviousness – then reality strikes yet again.
Mind-boggling government lunacy is bottomless, infinite and immune from common sense and even meteor strikes. I suppose as an opinion columnist I should be thankful for that, but it's more difficult to handle by the day, because though the political madness is endless, the well of adjectives, ad hominem slurs and pointed metaphors for politicians can occasionally run dry due to over-pumping.
Fortunately, today is not that day.
Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd, who is perhaps best known to veteran political observers as the top slice of doughy, crusty white bread in the legendary waitress sandwich, is facing an uphill re-election bid next year.
Dodd, in addition to being Phil Donahue's liberal stunt-double, is the mortgage opportunist who allowed AIG bonuses to stay in the stimulus bill that nobody had time to read before voting to pass, and then later jumped on the bandwagon of bashing the people who got the bonuses (but earlier had no problem accepting AIG's campaign donations). Normally these issues would be insurmountable for even a veteran politician to overcome, but since Dodd is from a collection of liberal East Coast states that pride themselves on the motto "Live free or at least fool yourself," I fully expect Dodd to win re-election to a sixth term.
Part of Dodd's challenge in a campaign that is now under way is to demonstrate to any voters who care about such things that he's not a boneheaded weasel with confusing double standards. To do this, Dodd's campaign has created an ad that demonstrates that he's … a boneheaded weasel with confusing double-standards.
In the ad, President Obama (and presumably his teleprompter) make a guest appearance, touting Dodd's leadership in passing credit card reform. The fact that Dodd and Obama are patting themselves on the back for anything to do with promoting responsible credit practices is laughable enough (on par with the Menendez brothers' responsible gun ownership public service announcements), but it gets even more surreal.
Dodd and Obama are especially proud of one item in the Credit Card Accountability, Responsibility and Disclosure Act, or CARD: People under the age of 21 cannot be issued a credit card without parental approval, or proof that the applicant can repay the debt. Credit card companies are so predatory that the Congress and the president have even risen the traditional "minor" age from 18 to 21 to protect more young people.
This goes from braggadocios to tragic if you consider the fact that Obama and Dodd both believe that a kid under 18 who shouldn't be allowed to get a credit card without parental approval should be able to cross state lines for an abortion without parental notification. Both Obama and Dodd voted against bills that would have prohibited abortions for minors without their parent(s) having been informed (see here and here).
So, rest easy – if you have a minor daughter, she could kill your grandchild without your permission, but she won't be able to buy clothes at the mall with a MasterCard afterward. Whew! Plus, there will be no extra kids running around for the credit card companies to take advantage of. Thank goodness Congress and the president have it all figured out!
What would we do without such caring politicians?
If any reporters with access to Dodd or the president happen to have a chance, please ask them how they'd handle the ultimate liberal dilemma: A minor who wants to get a credit card in order to pay for an abortion. A ridiculous premise, I know, because taxpayer will pick up the tab, but the look of confusion on their faces for even a split second might be worth a sliver of the misery they're putting us all through, not to mention future generations.